MIRACLES AND BLESSINGS:
It's snowing like crazy and I just cleaned up the kitchen and am going to get ready for bed. I had a great day with my husband but we miss our kids and grand kids. Oh how time has flown by, our oldest son is 37 and married to the most wonderful girl, well I guess a woman, but I love her very much. They have a son who is 19 and a daughter who is 5. Then we have our youngest son he is 23. When did the boys grow up? It seems like just yesterday they were 16. Things have changed, they no longer need me to take care of them, now they need advice and just to know we love them. I do love this part of our lives, we can spoil the grand kids and get away with it! We don't have as much to do, and can pursue whatever we want. The house stays a lot cleaner. But I do miss these people and all that they have brought into our lives.
All of these people who have come into my life have been miracles and blessings. Roger, my husband, was never going to marry me, but he did, best idea he ever had! Bobby, my oldest, I was very young and had my appendix out when I was only a few weeks pregnant. He was also born with a very week immune system. He had asthma and it was misdiagnosed as croup. We spent the first 5 years of his life in and out of hospitals for weeks at a time and he just did not get much better until they treated him for asthma.
Thomas, our youngest was never suppose to be. We were told we couldn't have any more children after
Bobby; thus the 15 year difference in ages. I had a very hard time with that pregnancy also, I was bed ridden for months. Then Bobby had Cody, first of all we didn't know his girlfriend was even pregnant (nor did she) she did not get very big and she had colitis. During her pregnancy she took steroids, birth control pills and lots of medications for her allergies etc. So we had a very big surprise and it was Cody. Even the doctors said he was a miracle baby!
Jen, my daughter (in-law) is Bobby's first love and she came back into our lives and that was a true blessing. If I had birthed her I couldn't love her more. She dropped everything in her life to be with Bobby and raise Cody as her own son. Then came Carla, our cardiac princess. We were unaware of her HLHS when she was born and through many miracles she is ours. She has had 3 heart surgeries, staph infection, water surrounding her lungs twice and plastic bronchitis. We are now waiting for a perfect heart for her. I know in my heart of hearts she will do great. I have no doubt about that.
I think about my life and wonder at all that had to be, to have these miracles and blessings. If I had not been
born, or if I had made different choices, my life as I know it, would never have been. When things happen we wonder, did I make the right choice? How are we suppose to know what is the right choice? Hindsight is wonderful but it does not help us with the answers for this moment in time. Looking back would we change things? Absolutely and without a doubt, and also no we wouldn't. But we neither have a crystal ball or a road map of our lives. We have to use gut instinct and sometimes we question that. Life seems like a crap shoot. I believe that we all have choices (free will) and with it comes decisions. Our loved ones who have passed on before us must run around and clean up our crap, if they can. I also believe that we have a path we must take, it is our destiny and we must stay and follow that path to the end. When we lose someone we love, we blame God for taking them. Is it his fault or did we finish what we were put on this earth to learn or to teach? Don't you think if we are God's children that it was hard for him to let us come to this Earth and learn or teach lessons? Don't you think he misses us? Don't you think it breaks his heart to see us so upset, angry and confused? As a parent isn't our duty to try to keep our children safe yet give them the knowledge and strength to go it alone? Then doesn't it stand to reason he must do the same? But God can do miracles! Yes and No, sometimes he must set back and let us learn something or teach a valuable lesson because isn't that why we are here? I think that children are given to us kind of like foster children, we are to love and nurture them until they are called home to Heaven to be with their real father. It stinks, it's not O.K., what a horrible thing we must go through...Loving these children with more love than we can even imagine. We have no control over our lives, is this the lesson we must learn? WE ARE NOT IN CONTROL! No matter how hard life gets we must get through it, because it is our destiny. My sister says that this life is Hell, you know what? I believe her sometimes and yet other times it is wonderful. No, we don't and won't and can't understand why bad things happen and also why there are miracles and why can't we have a miracle when something tragic happens? Maybe because the person we want the miracle for and was called home to Heaven has fulfilled their destiny or maybe they stay here to learn or teach another a lesson. Whatever the reason it is too hard to understand and it hurts and aches like hell! It is all so confusing; yet life is learning, teaching and sacrificing. We do have choices, decisions and free will and that my friend must be our destiny to try and find love, happiness, joy, sorrow, heartache and laughter. I believe that he misses us until we go home to Heaven, just as we miss our loved ones who have left our homes here. Life is hard to understand and it is our destiny to find our miracles and blessings.....Just my thoughts, Love Tammy
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Monday, October 22, 2012
Monday October 22, 2012
Is this part of the process?
I am sitting here reading some of the heart mom blogs. I will read some and they are not updated in a very long time. I ask myself "did something happen, is their child okay"? I hate this, my mommy heart for these young mothers ask the questions?, wonders if they are okay or are they just so busy that they can't get back to it or is it just not their thing. I hope that is the case, because anything else I think is not acceptable for these heart mom's...
I have been reading a heart blog for a child who suddenly left us to live their life in Heaven, and the mother, frankly, has me worried sick about her. I am so glad she has her blog to vent to and chronicle this time, but she seems to be going to a very dark place and my mom heart want's to help her. I know it is not my place, but I am the person who worries about everyone (It drives my family crazy). I realize it will never be o.k. for her, she will always have this doughnut heart but I wonder if she needs some kind of intervention or if this is just part of a process. I know there is a grieving process, but is it different for parents of children with special needs.
My younger son and I kinda discussed this and we talked about our blessing, Carla. We talked about the day she was born and the decision that was made to keep her in our family as long as we can (which I believe is till she is a very old woman). We discussed the fact that we knew it was a very long journey and we knew of the problems and pitfalls but we as a family signed up for this and no matter what we have to stay positive, stay the course and see it through.
In life, there is never a gaurantee no matter what. We have to live life with it's major ups and downs and it is sometimes very hard and difficult to get through these times. Why is the earth and everyone on it still going through their routines when my life has completely imploded. Because they have to, just as we have to. We still have so many people relying on us and without us it doesn't work very well. Life is like the movie "It's a Wonderful Life" We are each needed in people's lives to help them or they to help us. We cannot leave before our time, because we upset the balance of others. It is hard enough when we lose someone, but for another to take their life because they cannot take it, is selfish and onesided. It affects so many when someone is gone. So we must stay as positive as we can and stay the course and see it through to the end.....
Just my thoughts, Love You, Tammy
Is this part of the process?
I am sitting here reading some of the heart mom blogs. I will read some and they are not updated in a very long time. I ask myself "did something happen, is their child okay"? I hate this, my mommy heart for these young mothers ask the questions?, wonders if they are okay or are they just so busy that they can't get back to it or is it just not their thing. I hope that is the case, because anything else I think is not acceptable for these heart mom's...
I have been reading a heart blog for a child who suddenly left us to live their life in Heaven, and the mother, frankly, has me worried sick about her. I am so glad she has her blog to vent to and chronicle this time, but she seems to be going to a very dark place and my mom heart want's to help her. I know it is not my place, but I am the person who worries about everyone (It drives my family crazy). I realize it will never be o.k. for her, she will always have this doughnut heart but I wonder if she needs some kind of intervention or if this is just part of a process. I know there is a grieving process, but is it different for parents of children with special needs.
My younger son and I kinda discussed this and we talked about our blessing, Carla. We talked about the day she was born and the decision that was made to keep her in our family as long as we can (which I believe is till she is a very old woman). We discussed the fact that we knew it was a very long journey and we knew of the problems and pitfalls but we as a family signed up for this and no matter what we have to stay positive, stay the course and see it through.
In life, there is never a gaurantee no matter what. We have to live life with it's major ups and downs and it is sometimes very hard and difficult to get through these times. Why is the earth and everyone on it still going through their routines when my life has completely imploded. Because they have to, just as we have to. We still have so many people relying on us and without us it doesn't work very well. Life is like the movie "It's a Wonderful Life" We are each needed in people's lives to help them or they to help us. We cannot leave before our time, because we upset the balance of others. It is hard enough when we lose someone, but for another to take their life because they cannot take it, is selfish and onesided. It affects so many when someone is gone. So we must stay as positive as we can and stay the course and see it through to the end.....
Just my thoughts, Love You, Tammy
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